It has been awhile. Life has changed some and fighting anxiety has been the focus. I miss writing. I miss feeling grounded. All the ‘self-help’ says acceptance is the key…….maybe, but I can’t find the f*cking door. I am entering into a journey where I can’t hide, I have to be me but when you feel that has never been enough in life, who do you do that? I grew up questioning myself since my earliest memory that I was someone who upset others. I didn’t know why, I just know that I did and when I did I was alone. I didn’t have comfort-only the silence that told me as a toddler to ‘change who you are to make them happy’. And now, life is telling me it’s time to see that as a lie, but it’s been my truth for SO long?! I’m at a crossroads and I know the route I want to take, but it’s hard and the road behind me tells me that it’s uncharted territory and I’m scared. The only acceptance I have known to put myself out there had to do with hiding parts of who I was away to please others. To keep the peace and gain acceptance. To grow means to accept this as a lie and go the way of uncharted territory, but the basis of my life until now says ‘what if it doesn’t work?’ So here I stand, at the crossroads with my anxiety………..
themiddle411
I live in the middle in more ways than just location. I believe in people, not labels, so this blog is a means to have a conversation with others about who they are. I hope to hear and celebrate the voices of those who stop by.
November 13, 2017 at 6:09 pm
Our minds are powerful. I am trying to spend 5 minutes a day believing that I am special, worthy. There has been a shift, and I have moments where it feels good to be me.
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