today i wear the necklace.  a reminder of her.  i feel closer to her when I wear it.  why?  it’s an object.  maybe because she is not physically here but the ring she once held in her tiny hands is a reminder of an event i cannot make sense of.  i have made sense of every other thing in this life, for the most part, but this is senseless. death. stillbirth. hello and goodbye in one meeting.  i won’t ever stop trying to make sense of it. that is the memory.  senseless.